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Zola transcends tepid rivalry to plant blue flag on unsponsored terrain
“Good morning to the day and next my gold,” said Ben Jonson’s Volpone arising from his slumber. I was due to play the part at drama school but other commitments (booze, heroin) meant I was unable to play the part but instead thrown out, off the course that Essex Council had very kindly paid for, and sloped off to Dagenham hibernation in my nan’s spare room.
It was most likely a blessing, I was struggling with the lines, the one at the top of this Authentic Prada Clutch piece for example was apparently a conceited reference to the protagonist’s “morning glory” erection, which frankly I was too drunk to achieve – even in rehearsals. This season every dawn has brought glimmering rays of bewilderment to stir me from my quiescence.
Today sees Gianfranco Zola installed as West Ham’s manager, although “manager” is probably now officially an outmoded term; for his nomination would appear to be the first outright “coach” appointment in the club’s history. Zola is of course strongly affiliated with Chelsea, their most popular player ever according to one fan poll, but he does have a transcendent charisma and likeability, outlet which he will need to subvert the somewhat tepid rivalry between his former club and the Hammers.
I say tepid as, following a chat with David Baddiel, I have learned that some of football’s antipathy is contrived. Naturally, Authentic Prada Handbags Online if you are an Arsenal fan you hate Spurs, it is as integral to your identity as your love of the Gunners and confusion over George Graham (he had a patio with a brick mosaic of the Arsenal cannon as its central design which really annoyed Spurs fans when he took over at White Hart lane, and probably ruined a few barbecues – even Arsenal fans must surely have questioned the aesthetics of such a decision, it must’ve looked awful) but as a Chelsea fan or a West Ham fan however much you claim to hate Tottenham, hate Tottenham, “we are the Tottenham haters”, you know you can never hate Tottenham like Arsenal fans do nor will Tottenham fans hate us the way they hate the Arse – they will not allow intrusion into the sanctuary of their private hate.
Unrequited hate is as perhaps as tragic as unrequited love and Authentic Prada Leather Handbag both Chelsea and West Ham, while revelling in mutual disdain, have prior, less satisfying commitments for loathing at more geographically apposite clubs in Fulham and Millwall. To the tune of the socialist anthem “The Red Flag” Hammers regularly sing of a journey that Zola has made ideologically and Chelsea “coach” Steve Clarke is about to make literally “from Stamford Bridge to Upton Park”.
The song is not like those aboriginal folk songs, a tool to guide tribesmen through sacred lands, a tuneful map passed down through the Authentic Prada Bags Outlet Online generations to find resources, no, rather a subversion of a song they sing at Chelsea. The next line in fact is “stick your blue flag up your arse” which is a powerful image and one to be borne in mind by Zola because I imagine it’d be a bloody awful experience – piles and ironic pageantry.
I lament the decline of the old style “clip round the ear” Cloughie-type managers, unapologetic dictators nobly governing all within their kingdom from tactics Agatha Ruiz Dela Prada Outlet Online to biscuits but few remain and the position itself has been Amazon Uk Prada Bags eroded by structural shifts within the game. Some are saying that Zola will be little more than a totem thrust before the press to soak up flak while the club is run by committee behind his tiny back.
The latest in West Ham’s long line of faintly peculiar sponsors looks to be in trouble. XL, a travel agency, have called in the administrators. Previous odd, local paper-type sponsors include BAC Windows; Avco – no one knows what they did – as a boy I thought it was Alan Devonshire’s nickname; Dagenham Motors, a firm whose target demographic could not have been large enough to warrant national advertising – “Need a motor? Are you in Dagenham?”; Doctor Marten – too obvious; and most embarrassingly, Jobserve, which is simply a rebranding of the job centre. We were forced to watch West Authentic Prada Factory Outlet Online Authentic Prada Outlet Online Usa Ham play while constantly, subliminally reminded of the dole office – “it’s Rio Ferdinand to Lampard, they’re being paid 20 grand each for that pass – now go and get your giro and stuff it down Joe Cole’s shorts.”
I hope Gianfranco’s blue revolution is bloodless and triumphant because if it fails he can’t now expect Apertura Outlet Prada Montevarchi a free getaway from our sponsors Agatha Ruiz Dela Prada Book Bags but will have to instead convalesce in east London wearing a bathing suit of as yet undecided hue. Now that’s enough to give anyone an erection.